I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
