he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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