You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I cannot find my penis.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
