Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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