she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
