its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
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