She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Congratulations! We have a period
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
