wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
