she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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