why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
