Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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