He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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