Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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