So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
