Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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