Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
