My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
