Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
