you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
