I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
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