If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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