I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
