Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
