then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Semen is not good for contacts.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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