you have to choose: penises or morals?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
