she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
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