Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
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