Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
