she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
