Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
