I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
