I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
