I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
