Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
