Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
