last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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