and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize