wrigley field is MILF paradise
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
