Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
