My nipple is on Facebook.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
