If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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