grandma shit on top of the toilet
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I have aggressive nipples.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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