the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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