K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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