He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
