If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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