I just saw a hot homeless man
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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