Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
