he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
