Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
