Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My penis needs a shock collar
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize