Well douche your snatch and let's go!
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
