the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
