Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
