This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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