so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
