I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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