You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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