The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Randomize
