So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
