I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
