he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
