she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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